Last minute Halloween ideas......

I know many of you have had your Halloween costumes in the works for awhile now, and probably even celebrated your version of Halloween (which entails trick or treating at a bar in a costume you definitely would not wear to your grandma's house) last Saturday.

However, if you're like me (and were confused when stores started putting out their fall stuff the day after the 4th of July  and you thought that meant Halloween was sometime in August and didn't even start THINKING of a costume until last night at midnight after waking up from a candy-induced coma) then you need costume ideas and FAST! Luckily for you, I am here to help!

For inspiration I dug through old family photos. I was excited to find pictures of my old costumes because I remember feeling pretty darn cool. This is a false memory.

I decided to include other family members in the parade of costumes because let's face it, theirs are way cooler than mine. I mean, really:

How did my mother ever let me walk out of the house dressed as a clown?  How did I have any friends?!

 

Clearly I was super psyched and singing: "I'm a cloooowwwwwnnn!"

You know, a cowboy is always a good stand-by:

Howdy ya'll!! 

Sadly, I don't think this was a Halloween costume for dad, but real life attire.

Apparently I was a Tiger at some point in my life:

If you are an adult and want to wear this, I suggest excluding the bib as part of the costume....

Pshhh! Forget Halloween! I'd wear this around the house and running errands! 

I would totally wash the dishes EVERY day if I was rockin' this look:

Turtle in a half shell, TURTLE POWER! 

There are some of you, like Andrew, who prefer a more traditional costume like Zorro....

or is it Puss-n-boots now?

I was wrapped as present for a Christmas musical I was in, not Halloween but still....

I think Justin Timberlake stole his "(insert naughty word) in a box" idea from me....

You could take the route my dad did, and go as "Cat in the Hat"....

I'm just afraid you'll scare all the neighborhood children, or yourself if you look in the mirror too quickly forgetting your costume. Even Mr. Bones got in on the Halloween spirit dressed as "afro-skele-zorro."

I don't understand how a cute little boy, dressed as Dinosaur,

Could grow up and dress like this:

Pink Hair optional of course.

 

I'm sure my mom thinks the same thing when she sees this cute little poodle skirted gal

All grown up.....

 .....dressed as the Hamburglar from McDonald's

and married to this guy:

"Sweep the leg"

The bad guy from 'Karate Kid.'

I'm sorry to say that while the costumes above may have provided you with entertainment more than inspiration, I leave you with a costume that will forever go down as one of the greats. It resides in the "Halloween Costume Hall of Fame*" and will catapult you into greatness should you choose to wear it:

That's right:

Elvis Presley.

Hunka Hunka Burning love, baby

 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

*a made up place that exists only in my mind.

It's that time of the year again!!

Last year I was assistant coach to my brother-in-law, Jackson, Jr. High girl's basketball team for our local school. Since I was am such an awesome basketball player I have much to pass on to these young grasshoppers, and it's very gratifying.

The face of a fierce baller in the 4th grade.

What's that you ask? What's the best part of coaching? The very best part? Good question reader! Well, I could say being a part of a young person's life, helping girls build their self-esteem, feeling a part of the community, or passing the love and tradition of basketball onto a younger generation (and those are all very very true), but I gotta say, my favorite part of coaching is.....the whistle.

Yes, the whistle!! Since I've only been a player and never a coach, I didn't know the true joy of "whistling." There is something very satisfying in making that little 'chirp' sound. I actually use the whistle sparingly during practice, but I love it so much I wear it during the day and use it in everyday situations.

 My new best friend, whistly.'

For example, I just got home from practice and opened the door to our house. I didn't see Chris or the pups anywhere so I gave the whistle a hearty "chhiiirrrrrrrrp" and Chris said: "In here!" See how great that is? I didn't have to shout or search the house!

I've also chirped at Layla when she's running across the street, Betty when she was sniffing around the trash and chirped along to music when I'm at my office-alone. I really find it therapeutic which brings me to my next point: ROAD RAGE.

If you know me very well then you probably have learned your lesson and NEVER want to ride with me. I'm not a bad driver, really I'm not! However, I do get really super beyond flippin' peeeeved and frustrated while driving (ESPECIALLY when I'm behind a Kansas driver). Using my whistle instead of my horn (or my angry words, shaking fists, or fingers) has allowed me to express my apoplectic rage at inept drivers in a manner more becoming of a lady.

 

   She is not exemplifying appropriate driving behavior.

Leave your blinker on for 3 miles and going slow so I never know when you're actually turning?
"Chirp Chirp Chirp!"

Slow down at green to yellow light and make me miss it? I just give them a little:
"Chiiiirrrrpp!"


Pull out in front of me and go 10 miles per hour when there are NO cars behind me for miles?

"Chhhhhhhhhiiiiirrrrpppppppp!"

Cut me off in traffic?
"Chirp! Chhhiiirrrrrrp! Chirrp! Sorry sack of Chirrrrrrrrrp!!!!!! You motha' Chirp! Why I oughta CHIRP!"

See? It's most effective, and only one person has stared in shock at me for giving them a sharp whistle and I'm sure it made them realize their careless mistake!

If you suffer from road rage, getting your kid's attention, annoyance with your favorite sport's team or even just want to feel better, I highly recommend you purchase your own whistle......

.....Because you most definitely CANNOT have mine!

Just call me Marty,...

I consider myself quite the connoisseur on a few things: Pizza, Disney, funny internet videos and Time Travel movies. A text to Chris last September:

"Btw I forgot to tell you I watched: 'time cop' with Jean Claude Van Damme yesterday. It was mediocre to poor as far as a time travel movie goes...Completely implausible because technically by going back and saving his family he should have created an alternate reality not just stepped into his 'new life' Pathetic! I now will watch every time travel movie and judge it on a scale of 1-10. Time Cop gets a 4." 

I also particularly enjoy movies/books when the main characters have to swap bodies (literally placing them in the other person's shoes) to learn a lesson. Classic example, Freaky Friday:

 

Yes I love the re-make instead of the original,

  AND despite all of this mess: 

 

I still REALLY REALLY REALLY love Lindsay Lohan. Sad I know. Don't do drugs, kids.

I think the slight (ok fine, major) Time Travel obsession started as a freshman in college with this little known 1970's novel (#4 on Amazon's  top 25 books of Time Travel-no big deal).  

**Side note: I just realized I have such a reverence and fascination with Time Travel I've been incorrectly capitalizing Time Travel like it's a proper noun since the beginning of this blog.**

Buy it. Love it. Live it. You won't regret it.

As far as Time Travel movies go there is one movie that is so glorious and has achieved such pure perfection it gets a 10; therefore, all other Time Travel movies are compared to it: 

                                                          BACK TO THE FUTURE

                    I own the 3 disc collector's set but still watch it every time it's on t.v.

Every. Single. Time.

I like the idea of someone given a second chance (or in Marty's case, a chance) to change an event in their past for a better future. I'm all about the redemption and making things right. It's even better when they have to go to an unfamiliar place and try avoid certain calamity (like your mom having a crush and hitting on you-constantly).

We had NO idea when we went to Branson last weekend we'd be Time Travelers, but we were and it was magnificent. Time Travel movies/books all have a machine to transport the person to the past (or future). A Delorean. A hot tub. A cop car. Spaceship, etc.

Our Time Traveling vessel:

A tram.

Unsuspecting Time Travelers:

Ahhhh!! What a beautiful day here in 188- WAIT. WHAT?!

This can't be right....

 

After a quick walk around, Chris determined that we did in fact, Time Travel. 

Being the Time Traveling expert that I am, I was no longer frightened, and I chose to enjoy the day rather than have a panic attack.

Me: Oh! Oh! Oh! A school! Go stand in front of it and do something teacher-y!
Chris: Like what?!  

Me: I don't know! Just be a teacher!

Chris: ....uhhhh.......Like this?
Me: Nevermind.

We got to watch this old timer make bats and rolling pins. I told Chris I don't think people make those that way in 2011 so we were lucky to witness it.

I even spun the Wheel of Fortune.

It was eerily on point: "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly" Shut up Wheel of Fortune what do you know? You're from 1881!

 

          As quaint and charming as this 1881 city is, it's surprisingly progressive (and expensive):

                                             What the What?! A little risque for this era!

                                     Ocean treasures for $1.99? And we didn't even see an ocean?

There was also these crazy metal contraptions the people rode on, kind of like our modern-day roller coasters:

                        These swings took us up in the air and went round and round- just incredible!

 Unfortunately, our Time Travel day did have to end (Chiefs were playing).

We made our way back to our glamorous Time Travel machine-tram and jetted off into the future.......


Even though I didn't really have a chance to change anything in my past to effect my future like a true movie Time Traveler, I was just grateful I didn't come back looking like this:

                                                             

Poor Lindsay,

 

 I bet she'd really like to go "Back to the Future" right about now!

We're so Hollywood:

After discovering our dream cars (and love of Branson), Chris and I continued our adventurous trek. We unknowingly stumbled upon a little hidden gem where ALL the celebrities, young and old, like to hang out during their free time. We were so popular they pleaded with us to stay forever:

  Ok maybe King Kong on top of your building doesn't really make it hidden but it's still a gem!!

           He isn't yelling, Chris just told him a joke and he has a really ugly "laugh" face...

First we met Forrest Gump. He was quite the talker and did NOT offer to share a chocolate. Rude. Chris is saying "Forrest you're so wise and smart even if you don't- hey look at that squirrel!"

Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antionette. Everyone says that Chris' sister, Amanda, looks like her - Kirsten Dunst that is, not Marie Antoinette. I tend to agree with them, but if that really is the case then the next photo is extremely inappropriate:

                   Oh don't act like you aren't enjoying it, Marie! You French hussy you!

Well I knew I most certainly could not let Chris have all the fun, so I grabbed the closest celeb and gave him the 'ol 'JESSICA MAGIC' :                                     

Pierce Brosnan, you sexy bea- hey! Why are you trying to run! Get back here! Hold still, YOU!!

That's ok if he ran from me because I saw Jeannie and she granted me a wish.

What did I wish for?? Matt Damon of course!

WISH GRANTED! Although,

Chris didn't like that so much, and beat him up....I just can't take him ANYWHERE!

I decided to brush up on my comedic skills with Charlie Chaplin...

 

he wasn't too please that I took his signature hat right off his head, and shooed me away with his cain.

Chris was not intimidated by the fact we were in the presence of genius comedians and challenged  Groucho Marx to a thumb wrestling match. 

Chris may have one the thumb wrestling battle, but Groucho undeniably wins the "best mustache" war.

Chris was intrigued by the hand placement of Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy.

He determined it to be some kind of early century comedian gang sign. 

We were then whisked away to the star ship 'Enterprise' where Chris challenged Spock to an intellectual debate. 

Already knowing I was smarter than Mr. Spock and no debate was needed, I just shouted: 

"Beam me up Scotty!" 

This picture goes to show you that Chris is a sly devil....

he'll get on your good side with his good looks, charm and those blue eyes but if you cross him....

LOOK OUT!

"No one says the Chiefs suck and gets away with it!" 

(The fact that Chris looks to be smiling in this photo makes me slightly nervous....)

It's a good thing I was there to protect and serve with Charlie's angels because,

Willie Nelson was there, and he's OLD....

   he was also super paranoid his illegal substance hiding spot would be found out (hint: he wears that bandana an AWFUL lot!).

Life tip: If Elvis offers you an ice cream cone you do NOT refuse!

 

Elvis and the gang were just chilling out in the diner. Chris decided it was 'now or never' and went to show Marilyn his TRUE feelings.

Then he realized there is NO WAY this beauty was Marilyn Monroe, but a cross-dressing imposter!

He kissed her anyways.

Nacho Libre was mad that Chris was hitting on 'ol Marilyn and challenged him to a duel:

so Chris body slammed him.

Nascar racers also like to hang out at this "hidden gem" of Branson, Chris was so excited to meet "Ricky Bobby" of Talladega Nights, he didn't know what to do with his hands!

You wouldn't know it by his  extremely serious face, but right before this picture

Will Smith told me a HIGHlarious joke.

I tried to tell the Men in Black that their car was at the Branson auto museum, but they were extremely distracted by this (or should I say these):

I tried to tell myself, Chris was really just interest in Angelina Jolie's brain, but I knew the truth:

The round body parts on the chest are FAR more interesting than the round part that sits atop of Halle Berry's shoulders!

I wasn't jealous though.

I totally married Johnny Depp while I was there.

Chris was ok with my marrying Johnny, but he was NONE to please with Hugh Hefner:

Why? Because Chris walked into this:

"Not tonight, Hef darling, I've got a headache."

So next time you're in the mid-west Las Vegas, make sure to hit this spot up.....

and tell them a very angry Samuel L. Jackson and Jessica sent you.

**Check back tomorrow, and I'll tell you how we definitely time-traveled to the great year 1881**