Wal-Mart! Why do you hate me!?

I REALLY like to shop at our local Farmer's Market, but since they don't carry necessities like snickers, cheetos, oreos, beef jerkey,  Diet Dr. Pepper (that's what keeps it all in check, baby!), etc. I get to go to Wal-Mart...hooray! I should tell you that I'm typing all of this with my LEFT hand because my RIGHT hand suffered a trauma while I was shopping. What happened, you ask?
My story, for you, in pictures:

 Here was my expectation of what my shopping experience would  be like today:

"Helllooooo local grocer man! My fellow females and I are SO happy to be here right now, and in heels!"

But really, I was like this:

"HEEYYY everyone! I may be smiling, but GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, or I will run you over with my battering ram on wheels also known as a shopping cart! Move it grandma. "

I shopped with grace and dignity, wisely contemplating my choices:

Can you explain, to me, why all these woman feel the need to touch their face while shopping?

Here is what I really looked like:

Chris! You want me to buy WHAT!?!?

Little did I know, while I was minding my own business deciding between peppered beef jerkey or teryaki beef jerkey, there was an electric current following me; getting stronger and stronger .....

..... this electric current had sneakily been building and building, just waiting to strike.....

And as I merrily reached for my Club crackers, accidentally touching the metal shelf, the current showed no mercy and.......

ZAP!

*No lie: an electric current started in my fingers and zinged it's way up into my heart making me audibly yell : "AHHH!!! WHAT THE *%$&# was that?!"*

I almost cried. I started to call Chris to say:

"Hi honey?! I was harshly and unjustly electrocuted today by Wal-Mart so don't be surprised when you come home to no dinner. Yes dear, just pick something up on the way."

But I didn't.  I didn't call him because....

.....I didn't want to let it slip that the shock to my hand was so traumatic, he'd really be coming home from work, to this: