Wal-Mart! Why do you hate me!?

I REALLY like to shop at our local Farmer's Market, but since they don't carry necessities like snickers, cheetos, oreos, beef jerkey,  Diet Dr. Pepper (that's what keeps it all in check, baby!), etc. I get to go to Wal-Mart...hooray! I should tell you that I'm typing all of this with my LEFT hand because my RIGHT hand suffered a trauma while I was shopping. What happened, you ask?
My story, for you, in pictures:

 Here was my expectation of what my shopping experience would  be like today:

"Helllooooo local grocer man! My fellow females and I are SO happy to be here right now, and in heels!"

But really, I was like this:

"HEEYYY everyone! I may be smiling, but GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, or I will run you over with my battering ram on wheels also known as a shopping cart! Move it grandma. "

I shopped with grace and dignity, wisely contemplating my choices:

Can you explain, to me, why all these woman feel the need to touch their face while shopping?

Here is what I really looked like:

Chris! You want me to buy WHAT!?!?

Little did I know, while I was minding my own business deciding between peppered beef jerkey or teryaki beef jerkey, there was an electric current following me; getting stronger and stronger .....

..... this electric current had sneakily been building and building, just waiting to strike.....

And as I merrily reached for my Club crackers, accidentally touching the metal shelf, the current showed no mercy and.......

ZAP!

*No lie: an electric current started in my fingers and zinged it's way up into my heart making me audibly yell : "AHHH!!! WHAT THE *%$&# was that?!"*

I almost cried. I started to call Chris to say:

"Hi honey?! I was harshly and unjustly electrocuted today by Wal-Mart so don't be surprised when you come home to no dinner. Yes dear, just pick something up on the way."

But I didn't.  I didn't call him because....

.....I didn't want to let it slip that the shock to my hand was so traumatic, he'd really be coming home from work, to this:

Strawberry fields for Trevor......

The other day we were listening to some classic tunes on the radio when  "Drift Away", the classic  Doobie Brothers version, graced our ears. If you don't know this beloved hippie song, the chorus sings: "Ohhh give me the beat boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away....." I realized, as we were rocking out to this hit, that I still sing the wrong version.  For the longest time, I really thought the lyrics said: "Ohhh give me the Beach Boys and feed my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll...." 


Why the Doobie Brothers needed the Beach Boys to feed their souls is beyond me, but I started thinking....what other great songs have been butchered by us mere mortals? What I found was nothing short of wonderful.  Sunday, while Chris was zoning out to football, I used my artistic skills to explore the notion of misheard lyrics:

Did you know that the Bee Gee's disco hit, 'Stayin' Alive', often gets mistaken for:

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Steak and a knife! Steak and a knife!"

You guys are so silly! The Beatles song says 'she's got a TICKET to ride'! Not 'a CHICKEN to ride'!

Apparently the 70's were abundant with misheard lyrics, because Abba's 'Dancing Queen' lyrics  '...feel the beat of the tambourine' gets mistaken for  '....feel the beat of the tangerine.' I decided if you wanted to hear the beat of the tangerine, it would probably look like this:

The banana wanted to name their band 'Fruit cakes', but the tangerine like the sound of 'Runts' better.....

And some people in the world think the well known Aerosmith song, 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' is REALLY saying:

"Ya! Ya! Dooo the cyclone lady! " Isn't she classy-such a lady!

And finally, a recent song. One that I was personally singing incorrectly for months, by Adele. When SHE was crooning: "Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavement?" I was crooning:

"Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing paper?"

This is a fun game, isn't it?!

Adventureland

I love adventures. I love experiencing or trying new things; and I don't even mind getting lost. I keep telling Chris we need to try out for the show, The Amazing Race, because we'd DOMINATE. Although, I can't (won't) eat the weird stuff, like cow udders, so that may take us out of the running.

The thing about me is I consider anything an adventure. Wal-mart? On a Saturday afternoon the day before Christmas?  YES! Who knows what kind of THINGS we'll see! Or WHO we will see!  

So when a new antique/collectibles store opened, and my mom said: "you wanna go?" I immediately JUMPED at the opportunity for a new adventure. I was not disappointed. In fact, I was shocked at how amazingly wonderful the place was. I kind of want to go back everyday and dig a little deeper.


For example:

Hey there...sexy lady. The doll not me.

Please ignore my weird pose. I was trying to match the creepiness of the button doll.

I 

I was most impressed to find these little cute painted gourds....

then I turned around to see this:

Ohhhhh Monkey lights! There are SO many things I want to decorate with you!

Let me just say: Button doll girl, gourds, and monkey lights were at the beginning of this adventure. When I realized there were rows and rows of hidden gems like these, I felt like crying tears of joy. It was then that I turned the corner and saw this:

WAIT. You mean to tell me there is such a thing as JOHN WAYNE TOILET PAPER?! What is this magical place?! Well how about this:

Hello cup dedicated to Missouri! Of course I want to drink from you!

Feeling overwhelmed by the awesomeness of the Missouri cup, I quickly rounded the corner and saw this:

Pottery Barn? How did you get in here?! I was very confused when I saw the above cool set up because literally I was just looking at this:

Just Orca whale hanging out with a Hot Wheels lunch box....

and when I thought things couldn't get any cooler in this mystical place, my eyes feasted upon this amazing piece of cinematic history:

A giant old school batman poster is cool enough by itself, but then I saw it was a part of this huge collection for sale: 

A whole section dedicated to McDonald's....?!

Ohhhh America. You and your obesity rates!

Even though I truly wanted one of everything in this new wonderland (even the Orca whale) there was only ONE thing that I regretted walking away from, and that is this guy:

but I just don't think he would fit on the fireplace mantle....

We did it again....

I'm really not one for sleeping. I do like sleeping-when I can actually FALL asleep. My dad says when I was a baby and they put me down for a nap, I would lay in my crib and kick kick kick the wall just waiting until I was allowed to get up. Fortunately, I learned to read and my nights and naps from kindergarten on were more entertaining.

After many nights reading Nancy Drew by flashlight and knowing the dastardly villain was in my bedroom closet, I finally made it to college (where I still read Nancy Drew by flashlight). This is where I met some of my very best friends. I was happy to spend my sleepless nights with them by solving the world's problems. Typical bedtime: 5 or 6 a.m. YIKES.

Mainly these two awesome folks. Yes, that is my little smooshy face in the background...

When I say 'solving the world's problems', I mean we debated how Harry Potter would end and which characters we would invite to a dinner party all the while having Pirates of the Carribean marathons.

So you would think that being an official adult now and having graduated college 5 years ago, those late nights would be no more. You would be wrong. By the way, did you see the sun rise this morning? It was lovely!

I blame these guys: 

That's right: My husband, my brother and our best friend, Jordan. 

and this:

I also blame this for my double chin.

 It's not that we start the day and say: "Hey! Let's stay up REALLY late tonight and feel like ass tomorrow! Yay!" It just kind of happens. All kinds of things happen, and I try to document these shenanigans as best as I can. For example:

Christian gets annoyed when I film and/or take pictures constantly. Yes that is my cluttered fridge, you should see the inside.

Last night was NOT this exciting,  but we still solved quite a few of the world's problems. 

Over Christmas break we made a movie aaaand stayed up until 6am. Here are a few pictures of what it looks like when we make a movie (of course costumes are involved): 

Patrick's shirt says: He's formal, but he likes to party.

Not only were these possible costume choices, but Chris' weekend attire.

Can you believe I am blood related to this guy? Yeah..I know....you totally can.

I am also blood related to this handsome fella....

I think he was saying: "huh? I can't hear you over the awesomeness of this tight Hawaiian shirt."

So it being Saturday night, I say: why not stay up solving the world's problems, or exchanging crazy stories or even making weird movies that only you think are hilarious? You only live once, ya know.

Anyways, I gotta take a nap....

Where my heart is....

 

At a Chief's game (next year boys, next year).

 In Washington, D.C. riding segways

Standing in front of my castle at Walt Disney World....

Getting ready to go into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy....

Eating a double-double animal style with a chocolate shake from the best place ever: IN-N-OUT

At the drive-in on a balmy summer night....

and my heart is:

  in Colorado with these fine folks....except the dog, sorry Hershey.

It's going to a Britney Spears concert: LOOK OUT!

and watching my sister-in-law getting married

and it's hanging out with this girl. 

  My heart is always with this boy:

and most definitely with this girl:

But no matter where my heart is scattered, there's only ONE place I want to be....especially with this nice weather, and that place is here:

You can come to if you want...

It has begun...

Remember how I told you that I am officially a baseball fan now? I still am. No really! I am! The fact that Chris is now the baseball coach of the local High School makes it that much more sweet!

It's just that, well you see, I made that declaration during the fall season. Let me further explain: From the months of August until January I'm free. I'm free to go ANYWHERE (or nowhere) on the weekends, Chris gets home from teaching at 3:15 p.m. and takes the doggies for a nice long walk,  we watch football games, go to dinner, have deep intellectual conversations, etc.

Here is an example for you, dear reader, of a conversation, with Chris, during the Fall: 

**For some reason I'm imagining Chris looking like this fancy fellow when he's talking**

Me: Oh wonderful and attentive husband of mine, did you happen to see that most exciting article in the newspaper this morning? Wasn't it most intriguing?! What say you?

Chris: Why yes! Yes I did read it, my sweet and intelligent wife! I found it most enlightening. Especially the part where the President made his interesting quote regarding that major world issue....

... and here is what our conversations are like during his baseball coaching months:
 
 Me: Oh wonderful and attentive husband of mine, did you happen to see that most exciting article in the newspaper this morning? Wasn't it most intriguing?! What say you?

Chris: Why baseball! Yes I did read baseball, my sweet and intelligent baseball! I found it most baseball. Especially the part where the baseball made his interesting baseball regarding the major baseball issue.....

Honey? How did you get so round? Where did those red stitches come from?! What's wrong with your....uh-oh.

About this time last year I started to see a transformation in my husband. I was constantly being woken up in the middle of the night to him shouting: "GO! GO! GO! SLIDE! SLIDE! SLIDE!" or once he was arguing with the umpire in his sleep: "Aw c'mon that's ridiculous! There is NO way that guy made the tag! DO YOUR JOB!"

Chris is extremely dedicated to his craft. He loves it....

Rain

or 

 Shine

Shout out Mac County!

 and since he does does everything like the ultimate boss, I don't really mind losing him during those baseball coaching months. And even though deep intelligent conversations revolve around a little white ball hit with a round bat towards a group of men on a diamond shaped field....

To steal? Or not to steal?

I think I'll keep him. We'll always have the fall....

Besides, once you think about it.......it's really...... not all that.....baseball---aw crap!

Dear neglected reader:

Before I get to the actual blog-blog, please accept my apologies for my absence over the holidays.  I assure you I thought of you quite often, and took plenty of pictures for us to look and laugh at. The Holiday cheer finally caught up with my ass and I went down -I went down HARD. A week after gallons of snot, buckets of phlegm, thousands of tissues (If I owned stock in the klee-nex company I'd be a bazillionaire) and long hot sweaty baths, I'm starting to feel less like an alien drama queen sent to earth to be tortured by sickness for failing to bathe enough on her home planet and more like myself... 

Besides, Lady GaGa does the whole alien drama queen thing WAAAAY better than me:

And now to the first blog of the New Year 2012: 

On this universal day of resolution making, feelings of strong determination, and hope for something better to come; I reflected on what could possibly need such a drastic change in my life that required an absolute resolution, not just a general goal to shoot for in the future. Some people take this type of attitude when it comes to thinking about changing something for the new year......

 ....but I like the feeling of a fresh start the new year gives, even if I will write 2011 on everything, by mistake, for the next month......

 I have never been satisfied with the general and ambiguous resolutions like 'Enjoy life more', 'get organized' or the obvious 'lose weight.' I started to ponder what I stood for in life, and what is important to me....

and quite frankly, in no way does this show motivate me except to put more hot fudge on my ice cream when I'm watching it.

 I know I firmly believe in the power of acceptance and choice. Accepting your past because you absolutely cannot change it and ultimately, it helped shape your character (and really, if you had the choice WOULD you change it?). Accepting others because, again, you cannot change or control their emotions; you can only control how YOU react- so stop being upset with everyone else. And accepting yourself. Being human you can't help but have emotions, bad moods, jealousy, pettiness, mistakes, and regret. When you do finally accept yourself-the good parts as well as the emotional warts, scars, and baggage-you realize: it is what it is.  You don't need to constantly beat yourself up for not being someone you think you should be. Basically, you start each day being exactly who you are, and you can choose to strive to become better. Some days you achieve that and some days you don't, all you can do is consciously try your best. You don't want to be like this: 

 Holding on tight to the principles of acceptance and choice, I decided what my official "resolution" will be (which to me, is more like creating a new habit): Be kind to myself.  I don't mean looking in the mirror and telling myself how awesome I am  (let's be honest this is NOT hard to do...), but each day making choices that make me feel good. If I feel good, complete and content I can be my best and give my best to others. 

Realizing this was just as broad and ambiguous as "lose weight'' I narrowed down the 10 things that make me say, 'aahhh bliss: reached' and/or things I need to start implementing: 


1. Getting into a bed with clean sheets and freshly shaved legs - best feeling ever.

2. Eating healthy real food, not junk from a box- and for heaven's sake, not just salad, but whole grains, steamed vegetables, sauces, and cheeses galore- oh my! I think what I'm trying to say is not eat out so damn much.

3. A good, hearty, from the belly, made me cry laugh--if you know me, then you know this comes pretty easily.

4. A somewhat picked up house - I love feeling like everything is in it's place...why don't I do this more often and make myself happy!?  Because I'm good at accepting that's why!

5. Reading/researching/questioning--I already do this to a fault, which leads me to my next point:

6. Getting SOLID sleep--I feel amazeballs after a good night sleep, it's about time I got off the internet or put the book down to let my body rest properly.

7.  Being creative in some way-- I love the feeling of thinking out a project, creating art, writing a story, or moving the furniture around in my house for the millionth time.

8. When I am nice to someone and it kind of makes them feel a little better--I really like being friendly with everyone, especially employees of banks/stores/customer service etc. One time the workers at Wendy's told me I was their favorite customer and then they became my favorite fast-food workers, until I found a hair in my salad-TWICE.

9. Exercising--I've been doing this as of late and I feel like a boss when I'm done so I'm choosing to keep this up. 

10. Volunteering--I like people. I like helping. I like helping people. "People helping people it's powerful stuff (name that movie quote)."

I realize these are still broad; and I won't achieve them everyday, but I can totally accept that.

Happy New Year from the girl who takes a picture with her grandmother, doing this: